December 9, 2006


I am staring at trash bags. Hmm. Trash bags.

No, I don’t need trash bags.

Do I need paper towels? Yes. Yes, I do. But I don’t feel like carrying them. Paper towels are big.

The bottles of Windex are merging into one another. It’s funny how they make Windex in lots of colors now. Something about that seems kind of un-American, even to a lefty chick like me.

I remember that what I really need is dinner. Yes. That’s why I’m in this store, even though the clerks are rude and the prices staggering. I’m very hungry. I would really like some pot roast.

I don’t know how to make pot roast. Well, I did make it once. It was good. But I don’t remember how I did it, except that it took a long time. I’d better just get something to microwave.

I need milk, too. And something else. What was it?

I’m not sure. Maybe I’ll get some brie cheese. Yes. Oh, this is expensive. Is there a small one? Why are all the numbers fuzzy? Here’s a small one. I’m really hungry. Is it okay to eat brie cheese for dinner?

Something isn’t quite right. Something.



Yes. I prop the test kit on a display of crackers. I don’t feel low. Maybe I’m too high.

61. Pish. That’s nothing.

Hey. I’m low in a grocery store.

Woo hoo! I’m low in a grocery store!

I can eat anything, anything at all.

These opportunities are rare. It seems very important to select the Best Possible Treat.

I wonder where the dark chocolate is. I picture myself blogging later about dark chocolate. You will all nod appreciatively and comment on your favorite low-busting indulgences.

I can’t find the chocolate. Maybe I should just eat something, anything. No, I should drink something. I should drink some juice. Where is the juice?

The front of the store has a cooler with bottles of everything. There should be juice there.

I wander in that direction. It’s crowded. The cooler is blocked by a line of people. I look at them. I know there are words, words I could say that would prompt these people to move. Then I could reach the juice.

Other people don’t have trouble thinking of words. I remember K and her 27 at the movie theater. That's a lot lower than I am now, but she had all the words she needed.

If I were K, I’d have words too. But I’m not K. I’m V, which is usually fine but at the moment seems a little inconvenient.

Happily, the line of people moves while I am trying to string together a few syllables. The first bottle my hand grasps is cherry Coke. Though speechless, I have the wherewithal to check to see if it’s diet. It is not. I open it and drink.

Gods. This stuff is good. So good. So effing good! I’d forgotten.

Briefly I’m thirteen again. Cherry Coke has just been invented. I am watching Monty Python & the Holy Grail for the first time ever, with my first-time-ever boyfriend. We’re eating Rocky Rococo’s pepperoni pizza.

Life is resplendent with laughter, possibilities, and carbohydrates.

I pull out of the flashback before the part where Zoot’s twin sister begs Sir Galahad for a spanking. (Way too embarrassing. Folks did not joke about such things in West Des Moines, Iowa, in 1985.) Already I feel a little steadier. I pay for my randomly selected comestibles, including the half-bottle of soda. I even remember my PIN number in the checkout line.

At home I clock in at 96. The brie is splendid.


  1. Lord - I've had these moments in the grocery store. It can be dangerous... Like the day, I had a chocolate milk and some froot loops while sitting on the floor in the cereal aisle. I got reported to the grocery store authorities... Thankfully, I was pulled together enough to be at least somewhat coherent by the time the worried manager and a clerk came to my "aid..."

  2. I must say that you had much more control than I would have.

    I usually will snorf down a bunch of candy AND buy a bunch of crap to bring home too.

    Glad it all went without incident.

    I'm also chuckling at the idea of Nicole sitting in the middle of the cereal isle. :-)

  3. These posts seriously scare the shit out of me.

  4. V,

    Finding words is important, but Cherry Coke when you really need it trumps all words. Besides, I usually spout profanity when I'm low.

    Nicole and her Supermarket Sweep had me laughing, too.

    Glad you're okay. And that you had enough sense of taste left to enjoy the taste of your C.C. :)


  5. Oh, have been low at the grocery store more than once. I usually just go for the Junior Mints. They're chocolate, low in fat, and a small box has about 25 cho, so they're easy to bolus for.

    Damn, I haven't eaten Brie in months since getting pregnant. I look forward to eating Brie. Ah. Delish.

  6. Froot Loops! OMG. I could've had HoneyComb. Talk about missed opportunities.

    I am definitely sitting on the floor next time, too.

    Julia...damn. I write this stuff thinking of the PWDs, not their moms and dads. To put it in perspective, I've only had a low where I got this confused twice, maybe three times in 2 years. And I've never had things get worse than confusion.

    Worst case scenario, if I conked out in the middle of D'Agostino's, one of the rude clerks would've eventually stumbled over me and called 911. A little glucagon and I'm ready to go home and eat cheese.

    L, say what you will, but I am very, very happy that you can't eat Brie. And I know you are too ;)

  7. So do you know how it happened? -J

  8. I guess having a low in a grocery store is a good reason to eat whatever you want!

    Glad to see everything worked out without major incident.....

    my new URL is

  9. Violet--I'm already dreaming of what I plan to eat post-pregnancy: a pound of pepperoni, a pound of corned beef, a pound of gorgonzola and now I'm adding a pound of Brie. With sushi.

  10. Grocery store lows... oh how many hours have I spent deliberating between mike and ikes and chuckles while my blood sugar creeps its way downward...

    This was totally one of those "oh mi god she has lived my life" posts for me.

  11. And this is why my husband dreads the grocery store. Because that one trip didn't end so nice for him.

    sigh. glad it ended nice for you, though!

  12. I'm glad you came through OK.

    I've had these incidents and worse, and they always scare me afterwards.

    I still remembering being a teen in Ireland and wandering into a store, helping myself to candy in front of the store owner, eating it in silence, waiting for 10 minutes until I could talk again and then, finally, paying the owner with an apology about my diabetes.

    I hate this kind of stuff.

  13. And now for something completely different...

    In the interest of preserving your anonymity, but tagging you with a complete-waste-of-time-but-fun movie meme, I am tossing it into your comments. HA!

    1. Name a movie that you have seen more than 10 times.
    Grease, Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Am I allowed to name two? Wait: also everything by Pixar.

    2. Name a movie that you've seen multiple times in the theater.
    Again, Grease.

    3. Name an actor that would make you more inclined to see a movie.
    Michael J. Fox (never really got over my junior high crush), but only if it was more like The Frighteners than Doc Hollywood. Ew. Also Philip Seymour Hoffman - he was scary good in Owning Mahoney. On the female side: Neve Campbell, Helen Mirren.

    4. Name an actor that would make you less likely to see a movie.
    I agree with She Says: Tom Cruise. Will Ferrell pretty much kills things for me too, though I've heard from at least two reliable sources that Stranger Than Fiction is worthwhile. If it's any good, I plan to argue it's because of Emma Thompson. Female: Juliette Lewis. [shudder]

    5. Name a movie that you can and do quote from.
    Monty Python and the Holy Grail, Training Day ("Man the fuck up!")

    6. Name a movie musical that you know all of the lyrics to all of the songs.
    Grease, The Little Mermaid, possibly also A Chorus Line.

    7. Name a movie that have been known to sing along with.
    Grease, Finding Nemo ("just keep swimming...")

    8. Name a movie that you would recommend everyone see.
    Fahrenheit 9/11. Get with the program, eh.

    9. Name a movie that you own.
    How about a smattering, from several genres? Dawn of the Dead, Practical Magic, Life of Brian, Pitch Black.

    10. Name an actor that launched his/her entertainment career in another medium but who has surprised you with his/her acting chops.
    Cher and Will Smith. Oh! Jon Bon Jovi is actually a decent actor (Moonlight and Valentino.) Really.

    11. Have you ever seen a movie in a drive-in? If so, what?
    S and I saw Mermaids at the Hi-65 in Blaine, years ago when we were dating. It was followed by a horror flick, but neither of us can remember what it was.

    12. Ever made out in a movie?
    Not so much. (Not a slight to S.)

    13. Name a movie that you keep meaning to see but just haven't yet gotten around to it.
    Wait Until Dark.

    14. Ever walked out of a movie?
    Sadly, no. I considered it during Hostel - lots of gross with not much story. Gross is just fine if there's a good story. I have, on the other hand, walked out of a live comedy show - from the first row, no less.

    15. Name a movie that made you cry in the theater.
    Saving Private Ryan.

    16. Popcorn?
    Most times. With S, no reconstituted butter-flavored stuff; without him, always.

    17. How often do go to the movies (as opposed to renting them or watching them at home)?
    Probably once a month. S and I tend to go in shifts, so we don't need a babysitter but can at least talk about what we saw. He hasn't forgiven me for The Cave, but I maintain that was his fault for not checking the reviews. Turd held up to a light bulb, indeed.

    18. What's the last movie you saw in the theater?
    Charlotte's Web. Guess who my date was?

    19. What's your favorite/preferred genre of movie?
    I'm torn. I enjoy good horror/suspense films, but if I were stranded on a desert island with only one genre...indy. I wouldn't want my brain to rot. Plus, there might be monsters on the island.

    20. What's the first movie you remember seeing in the theater?
    Star Wars.

    21. What movie do you wish you had never seen?
    An American Haunting. Wow, was that stupid. My mother once rented something called Heartbeeps with Andy Kaufman and Bernadette Peters that might be the all-time worst movie.

    22. What is the weirdest movie you enjoyed?
    Julien Donkey-Boy. You're so stupid you hit yourself in the head. Oops, this one should be under #5.

    23. What is the scariest movie you've seen?
    The Exorcist. Scared the hell out of me when I was eight, and continues to be scary.

    24. What is the funniest movie you've seen?
    Monty Python and the Holy Grail. I'm sure there are others, but no others where people fart in other people's "general direction." In bad French accents.


  14. I forgot to say this: TAG!


  15. where did you go?! It's been a month, since you posted. Hope you're hanging in and doing well.

  16. Hey V - Where are you? Miss you out here in Blogland... :)