...including moderation.
I realized this morning that the reason I haven’t posted for a while is that I’ve been feeling sheepish.
Lately I can’t seem to follow the rules. Recent posts include the occasional reference to donuts. I left out mention of the scones, pancakes with syrup, dark chocolate, toffee, fried everything, Chinese food with luscious sweet sauces, pecan pie...
Pecan pie!
I hadn’t eaten pecan pie for more than two years. (It’s still good.)
These various excesses have left me of late with numbers somewhat above average, to put it gently. It’s partly the choice of foods and partly the sheer difficulty of guessing how to cover them. Which reminds me of another interesting phenomenon: my usual habit of estimating carbs on the high side out of preference for lows over highs has fled. I keep taking too little.
I could chalk all this up to stress or travel, but I’ve had plenty of periods of stress and/or travel in the past. I’ve kept pretty well to my food guidelines for most of them. Something different’s going on.
I think there’s a need to rebel now and then, even for compliant Violet. Maybe especially for compliant Violet. Truth is, if I had to believe that I could never binge again for the rest of my life, I don’t know how I’d cope. The world of food is too replete with pleasures to concede them all forever.
It’s a better strategy, I know, to have a little treat now and then as opposed to an enormous one every day (or twice a day, ahem). The former is my usual way, and I’ll get back to it soon, if for no other reason than that I’m starting to feel binged out. Yet I think there’s something to be said for claiming an audacious freedom now and then. It reminds me that I’m still alive in ways that can be measured by means other than an a1C test. It reminds me that control is a choice—yeah, the right choice, but still a choice, not an absolute, not a prison.
It reminds me that while I may have this silly disease, it doesn’t have me. Huzzah! And I mean that in a most immoderate way.
Huzzah indeed!
ReplyDeleteHere's to being not so compliant from time to time.
To me, your high numbers probably have less to do with your food choices and more to do with your inaccurate carb estimations. So go ahead and have those pancakes and even a second piece of pecan pie, but just get a better idea of the number of carbs you have to bolis for.
ReplyDeleteHaving Diabetes doesn't mean that you can't enjoy the same food as the rest of us, just that you have to account for it. Heck, isn't that the main reason for wearing a pump?
Sean---
I hear ya loud and clear.
ReplyDeleteThere's something to binging that is quite like fliping the bird to this disease. Can be very cathartic.